


Touch starved

by SamslostshoeistherealMVP



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel and Dean Winchester Have a Profound Bond, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Cuddling & Snuggling, Curse Breaking, Curses, Dean Winchester Uses Actual Words, Fluff, I don’t know how to beta so enjoy my mistakes, M/M, Sam Winchester Ships Castiel/Dean Winchester, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:20:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28443819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SamslostshoeistherealMVP/pseuds/SamslostshoeistherealMVP
Summary: Cas gets hit with a cuddle curse, I swear it’s more serious then it sounds.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 9
Kudos: 220





	Touch starved

As he pulled baby into the underground bunker Dean noticed, not for the first time in their four hour ride home, that Cas was especially quiet. Not that the guy wasn’t almost always quieter then either of the brothers, but he’d barley said a word the entire ride and looked like he was in pain. This worried Dean, Cas was an angel, pain wasn’t something he usually felt unless he was extremely hurt. 

“Hey, Cas?” Dean asked as he shut the car off, “you okay man? You seem off.”

“I’m fine.” Cas said quietly. 

Sams head snapped up at the angels response. Winchesters where bullshit detectors and the “I’m fine.” Line never worked with them. Sure, they used it on each other all the time, but they knew when it was bullshit. 

“What’s wrong?” Sam asked, worried already. 

“Nothing!” Cas huffed, getting out of the car. As he did he gasped in pain and hugged himself, leaning against the side of the car. Both Winchesters almost took their doors off in the hurry to get to him. As soon as they touched him he stood up straighter and the pain in his eyes receded. 

“Oh.” Cas said in confusion. 

They walked him into the bunker and sat him down on one of the couches in the Dean cave. 

“What the hell is happening?” Dean yelled. 

“I’m not sure.” Cas gasped, pain flooding back. “It’s just been getting worse since we left our last hunt.” 

Their last hunt had been a coven Rowena had warned them about. Very powerful, very petty witches where setting up shop a few hours away from their home base. They knew of the Winchesters and their angel, they had been planning on smoking them out eventually to attack. The guys had hit first, thanks to rowenas warning. 

“I fucking hate witches!” Dean growled, “Sammy, what’d they do to him? They’re dead, shouldn’t their spells be gone anyway? And he’s a damned angel!”

“Spells can work on angels.” Sam said, studying Cas and ignoring his brothers irritated pacing. “We’ve seen it happen to Cas before. And yes, usually if the witch dies the spell dies, unless that spell isn’t tied to the witches power but a specific time limit.”

“So whatever this is it’ll wear off?” Dean questioned.

“I think so.” Sam said, sounding confident. “And probably won’t be longer then a day. I still don’t know what it is though. Cas, what are you feeling exactly?” 

“Pain.” Cas gasped. 

“I know, buddy.” Sam said, trying not to roll his eyes. “Like, is it waves of pain, does it get worse when you do certain things, does anything make it better?” 

“It’s getting worse the longer it goes on.” Cas said stoically as he could while trying not to scream. “When you guys helped me in it didn’t hurt so bad.” 

“Sam, what do we do?” Dean asked, not taking his eyes off Cas. As they watched the angel curled himself into a ball on the couch and covered his head with his arms. Dean couldn’t take it anymore and went to the couch and the fallen angel and rubbed his back consolingly. 

“Oh.” Cas said again from the cage his arms made around his head. 

“Oh?” Sam asked, kneeling in front of Cas. “Oh, what? Come on Cas, talk.”

“It receded.” Cas said, lifting his head from his knees, “a little at least.” 

“Good!” Dean laughed patting Cas and getting up. 

This time the gasp was more of a scream as Cas clutched himself again. 

“Fuck!” Dean screamed, “Sam what the fuck?” 

“Put your hand on him.” Sam said.

“What the fuck,” Dean questioned, “why?!”

“Just do it you idiot!” 

Dean laid his hand on the whimpering angels back and felt Cas immediately relax. He still shivered under Deans palm in pain but it didn’t seem to be quiet as overwhelming as before. 

“Cas?” Sam asked on concern, “is it better now?” 

“Yeah.” Cas panted, lifting his face once more. 

“Okay.” Sam said, looking at his brother, “Dean, I’m pretty sure I know the curse, and neither of you are going to like it. Touch starvation curse. Basically if Cas doesn’t get fucking cuddled hes gunna die.” 

“Are you fucking with me?” Dean asked, jumping off the couch again. As he did Cas screamed again and almost bit through his tongue in sudden pain. Dean immediately grabbed Cas in confusion, then stared at his brother with wide eyes that would have made Sam laugh hysterically if not for his best friend being so hurt. 

“No.” Sam answered as seriously as possible. Seeing Dean rubbing Cas’ back and Cas’ immediate response made him even more sure then he already was. “I’m not fucking around, Dean. As stupid as it sounds, this curse is insidious and really hard to break. The pain gets worse as time goes on too, so buckle up guys, you’re about to snuggle until I can find a cure.” 

“Why me?” Dean asked, not really caring at this point as long as Cas stopped whimpering in pain. He’d do whatever it took, cuddling Cas wasn’t going to fucking kill him. 

“Well,” Sam hesitated. “First off cuz I’m going to have to preform a spell, but I have to find it first. Second, the closer the person touching you is to your heart the better. Profound bond and all, you’re his best shot.” 

Dean nodded, no arguing that. Sam walked out giving Cas a quick hug before he went, additional affection couldn’t hurt. 

“We’ll fix this Cas.” Sam said as he walked away.   
——————————————

Dean maneuvered himself and Cas on the couch until the angel was curled up practically on his lap. Cas was shaking and gasping, it broke Dean’s heart to hear it. Cas was mumbling something over and over, but through gritted teeth it was hard to understand him. Slowly Dean felt Cas relax by degrees until his jaws unclenched. 

“I’m sorry, Dean.” Cas said sadly. 

“Nah.” Dean responded flippantly, “don’t be.” 

“This can’t be comfortable for you.” Cas deadpanned, not looking at Dean. 

“It’s not.” Dean laughed, “I don’t cuddle, dude. But, if I’m honest here, it’s pretty much the least horrible thing I’ve had to do to break a curse before. It’s fine, I won’t die, you might, easy choice.” 

For Dean it wasn’t even a choice, he’d do anything to save Cas, he’d proven that already. Out of all the things he’d already done to save the angel, all the choices he’d had to make for his safety, this one was the easiest. It didn’t involve sacrificing others, unleashing otherworldly beings on the earth, or traversing through a hellscape for a year, so it was no big deal. All he had to do was hug his best friend, who, to be perfectly frank, needed a damn hug anyway. And, if Dean was going to continue to be perfectly frank, he didn’t mind it at all. 

“I still wouldn’t ask you to do this.” Cas said quietly. 

“You didn’t.” Dean answered, “I’m doing it anyways, stop arguing.” 

“Okay, Dean.” Cas whispered. 

Dean could still feel Cas shaking in his arms. Their cuddling wasn’t really much of a cuddle, more of Dean trying to hold on to a ball of angst and pain in his lap. 

‘In for a penny in for a pound. I’ll do whatever it takes.’ Dean thought, running his hands down Cas’ arms and back until the ball unfurled slightly. He nudged Cas’ head until it was wedged under his chin and ran his hand through the angels hair lightly. His other hand ran up and down Cas’ leg, urging his friend to calm down. He felt Cas sigh and smiled, this really wasn’t so bad. 

“Better?” Dean asked gently. 

“Yes.” Cas answered from deans chest, “thank you.” 

“Anytime, buddy.” Dean said lightly, “I mean, anytime you get hit by a witch with a touch starvation curse.”

“Of course.” Cas said. 

“You know what, though?” Dean asked, pulling Cas closer. “Maybe we should all be more physically affectionate with each other. I’ve hugged you like, I dunno, a handful of times maybe? All the Shit we’ve been through, all the deaths and pain and torture... we probably are actual touched starved dumbasses. It wouldn’t hurt us at all to show each other some love sometimes you know?” 

“Really?” Cas asked. “I don’t think I ever expected you to say something like that.” 

“Me either” Dean laughed, “but I’ll be damned if I’m not kind of enjoying this. Not that I like the fact you’re in pain, I hate that, but this is nice. Are you okay?” 

“It still hurts.” Cas said quietly, “the pain is getting worse but I can handle it.” 

“Nope!” Dean said, pulling Cas down further into the couch until they both lay side by side, with Cas slung over Deans chest. He wrapped his arms around Cas’ middle and laid one of Cas’ legs over his waist. “Better?” 

“Yes.” Cas sighed, “I still feel like this should be embarrassing.” 

“Sure, sure.” Dean joked, “if only the angels in the garrison could see you now. Castiel, mighty warrior of heaven, cuddling a mud monkey. They’d never let you live it down.” 

“Dean,” Cas said seriously. “The angels in my garrison know I fell from heaven for you. They know I rebelled for you. They know I gave up heavens army for you. This is hardly the thing they wouldn’t let me live down.” 

That was true. The angels in heaven probably wouldn’t blink twice at the sight of Cas and Dean laying on a couch wrapped up in each other’s arms. Not when they saw Cas’ past actions as bigger, much more serious betrayals of their kind. And they where, they where unheard of, unthinkable. Castiel had chosen Dean Winchester over heaven so many times it had become routine. Hearing the angel list them out like that, it made Dean feel very thankful this particular warrior had chosen him.

“Did I ever thank you for all that?” Dean whispered into Cas’ hair. 

“Several times.” Cas responded. 

“Good.” Dean said as he nuzzled Cas. That action seemed to be a shot of morphine to Cas and he sighed in relief. Dean did it again with the same result and chuckled. 

“You’re enjoying this.” Cas accused. 

“Already said I was, didn’t I?” Dean answered. “I thought this would be a lot harder, but, I dunno, it’s not. It’s you, you’re Cas.” 

“I am.” Cas replied, “are you sure you’re Dean?” 

Dean laughed lightly at that. He wasn’t quite sure he was still Dean. All this stuff coming out his mouth sure didn’t sound like him. He meant it though. Cuddling Cas just mellowed him enough to actually say it. He wasn’t just enjoying himself, he was craving more. He’d be lying if he didn’t admit he needed this almost as much as Cas did. He loved his angel. Saying the words was impossible for Dean, showing through action was easier, he was glad he had an excuse to do it. 

They laid on the couch silently as Dean continued to run one hand through Cas’ hair and the other up and down his side gently. Dean lightly pressed his lips to the angels temple and Cas gasped. 

“You okay?” Dean said in a panic. 

“Yes.” Cas answered, “that was... that felt good. The best I’ve felt since before the curse.” 

“Wasn’t too far?” Dean asked, concerned. While he was enjoying this he realized Cas didn’t have much choice. Maybe he hated this. He’d hate to take advantage of the angel while he was vulnerable. To his surprise, Cas chuckled deeply and shook his head. 

“You’ll never understand, will you Dean?” Cas asked in awe. 

“Understand what?” 

“You’d never be able to go to far for me Dean.” Cas said simply, “I’ll always want whatever you want.” 

“Oh.” Dean said in amazement.  
———————————————

Sam walked in and stopped short at the sight of his hard ass brother absolutely cuddling the shit out of an actual angel of the lord. Again, he thought this would be hilarious if not for the fact it was life threatening to Cas. He couldn’t suppress the huge smile on his face though as he watched them unnoticed for a few seconds. Dean had a dopey smile on his face as he looked down at Cas laying on him. When would his brother just admit he was in love with Cas and be happy? Dean was obviously on cloud nine right now and he could have this all the time if he would just let go of all the self doubt, self loathing and internalized bullshit their father had beaten into him. Unfortunately all that was so deeply rooted Sam doubted Dean even realized he was in love with his best friend. 

Sam had no doubt whatsoever that Cas felt the same towards Dean. Cas would do anything for him, and gladly. Angels weren’t supposed to feel, but Cas had an amazing capacity for emotion that was growing every day. All of that was due to Dean, and the love Cas felt for him. Idiots. 

“Hey guys.” Sam said as calmly as possible, trying not to make them jump. It was futile though, they both jumped apart like the other was made of fire. Cas shrieked and Dean almost panicked in his effort to get the angel back into place. When Cas was back in his arms Sam was surprised to see Dean kiss the top of his head a few times and cup Cas’ face. 

“Damnit Sam!” Dean hissed when Cas stopped shaking with pain. “You hurt him!” 

“The witches hurt him.” Sam stated, “but I’m sorry Cas, I was really trying to avoid that.” 

“‘S okay.” Cas said through gritted teeth. “Just surprised me.” 

“What’d you find?” Dean asked, pulling Cas closer. 

“Not much.” Sam sighed, “I’m sorry, I’m looking I swear. Everything I’m finding says it just has to wear off or be broken, but nothing is saying how it can be broken! I texted Rowena and she said she’d have to examine Cas to know exactly what spell was used. I thought I’d ask first since... well she’d have to see you like this.” 

“I don’t give a damn.” Dean growled. 

“I don’t care either, Sam.” Cas sighed. 

“Okay then. She’ll be here as soon as possible. In the meantime I’m going to keep looking. You guys need anything?” 

“Pillows.” Dean answered. 

“What?”

“Pillows, dude. Might as well be cozy.” Dean said lazily. 

“Why don’t you move to your bed if you want to be comfortable?” Sam asked, “might as well, you guys can Netflix and chill.” 

“I knew you’d make a fucking joke.” Dean growled. 

“Dude, I lasted as long as I could!” Sam laughed, “this isn’t funny okay? It’s not. But goddamn I gotta laugh at it a little right?” 

“Yeah.” Dean sighed, “you do. I’d be laughing my ass off of the situation where reversed and you had to cuddle, I dunno, Gabriel or something.” 

“That’s not funny.” Sam said, “that’s not even close to funny.” 

Cas chuckled from his nest in Deans chest and Sam realized it was pretty funny. He’d do it too, if he could save Gabe. 

“Wanna move to your room?” Sam asked. 

“Can’t.” Dean said, “to get up I’d have to let go of him. I’m not risking it.” 

“Carry him.” Sam suggested. 

Dean raised an eyebrow at Sam but eventually nodded. He’d carried Cas before, he could do it now. 

“That okay, Cas?” Dean asked, “we’ll be more comfortable, I got memory foam! Maybe watch some stupid show to get your mind off the pain?” 

“Whatever you want, Dean.” Cas answered. 

Sam helped as much as he could as his brother moved Cas and himself upright. Cas went pale and bit his lip to hold back a scream, but nodded to Dean to keep going. Sam took hold of Cas’ hand as they walked towards the bedroom and rubbed it between his own. Again, additional affection couldn’t hurt. He felt Cas’ grip tighten in gratitude. 

They got Cas into the room and situated on the bed with Dean. Sam stood back as Dean soothed Cas the best he could with a sad smile on his face. His brothers concern and obvious distress were hard to watch, almost as hard as Cas being in pain. He wished Dean didn’t need an excuse to do this with Cas, he knew his brother well enough to know after the curse was lifted he would struggle with this. 

“I’ll tell Rowena to get her ass over here.” Sam offered as he walked towards the door. “Need anything else?” 

“No, Sammy.” Dean said quietly, nuzzling into Cas, “we’re good.”  
————————————

“You don’t mind Rowena seeing you like this?” Cas asked once Sam left. 

“Nah.” Dean sighed, “I don’t give a damn. Maybe she’ll laugh, hell, she is absolutely going to laugh, but if she can fix you I don’t care.” 

“She won’t laugh.” Cas said seriously. 

“Oh,” Dean contradicted, “yeah she will. She’ll probably howl. But it’s fine.” 

Cas started shaking then and Dean soothed him again. The pain was still increasing steadily and Dean was trying his best to keep Cas as pain free as possible. He really was at his wits end here, he didn’t know how he could possible be any closer to Cas then he was now. They where so tangled up together Dean couldn’t tell where his limbs ended and Cas’ began. He wracked his brain trying to think of how the fuck you cuddle someone harder. 

“What do you wanna watch, angel?” Dean asked gently. His words seemed to have an effect on Cas because he stopped shaking. 

“Z Nation.” Cas laughed, “it’s silly, but I like it.” 

“Me too, sweetheart.” Dean said, testing his new theory. 

Cas almost melted into him at those words. Apparently affectionate words could also be a balm to Cas right now. He kissed the top of Cas’ head for good measure as he scrolled through his “keep watching” list to find Z Nation. The show was ridiculous, but it was supposed to be. It didn’t take itself seriously, which made it seriously hilarious. He’d watched the first season a few weeks back but hadn’t had a chance to see what happened next. 

A few episodes later, and a few more whispered terms of endearment from Dean, Rowena walked into the room. She stopped just inside the doorway and looked at the two men tangled together on the bed. Deans hand curled around the back of Cas’ head, his other running lazy circles on his back. Cas wedged firmly in between his shoulder and neck, arm laid across his chest, grasping his shirt. Legs a mess a limbs entwined over and under each other. Dean waited for her to burst into hysterical laughter at the sight, but she didn’t. She swooped in and knelt beside the bed and started examining Cas. 

“Oh dearie,” she said gently as she lifted Cas’ head slightly, wincing at his accompanying gasp of pain. “Don’t worry, I’m going to do everything I can. This curse is nothing to sneeze at, and being that you’re an angel it’s got to be so much worse.” 

“Why’s that?” Dean questioned. 

“They aren’t supposed to feel, Dean.” She explained patiently. “This little angel is different though, aren’t you sweetie pie? Emotions might be newer to Castiel, but they’re felt intensely. This curse just takes the pain one feels, from loneliness, sadness, abandonment, and uses it to hurt you physically. It wouldn’t work on someone who never felt those things, it wouldn’t seriously hurt most people, but Castiel? He could very likely die from this.” 

She said all of this while gently caressing Cas as he lay on Dean. Her eyes where full of sorrow as she finished. 

“He won’t die from it.” Dean growled, “I won’t let him.” 

She smiled brightly at that. 

“He won’t die.” She assured Dean, “because you’re doing this. Unfortunately I can’t break this curse. It’ll have to run it’s course, which is 24 hours. You’re 9 hours in, good luck.” 

“Wait.” Cas shuddered, “it can’t be broken?”

“I didn’t say that.” Rowena answered, “I said I can’t break it.” 

“Well who the fuck can?” Dean spat. 

“You.” She answered sadly, “only the one who made him feel that pain can take it away, Dean.” 

“I....” Dean stopped. He couldn’t deny he’d caused the angel immense pain since the day he’d met him. “How?” 

“It differs, from case to case.” Rowena explained, “try to figure it out if you want, or just have a nice relaxing day in bed together. Either way, Cas will be fine by this time tomorrow.”

With that she stood up, only to stoop down and kiss Castiel lightly on the forehead. 

“You’ll make it through this, Castiel.” She promised. “You too, Dean. I hate to say this but this is probably the best curse our haloed friend could have been hit with.” 

“Why’s that?” Dean almost snarled. 

“Because,” Rowena said calmly. “At least he has you, here, willing to do whatever it takes. Not many would have that, not many have the person closest to their hearts at their beck and call. That’s why this curse is so serious.” 

With that she swept out of the room.   
——————————————-

“Told you she wouldn’t laugh.” Cas bragged. 

“I can’t believe she didn’t.” Dean answered, “I mean, I guess she knows more and knows how serious it is. She knows I wouldn’t let you die though, so she coulda at least chuckled a little. The old Rowena would have.” 

“The old Rowena is gone.” Cas stated, “she’s changed. You guys do that you know, change people.” 

Dean thought about it and realized Cas was right. Crowley, Rowena, Amara, Benny, and Cas, most of all Cas, had changed once they came into the brothers lives. He didn’t know how much of that was him and Sammy and how much of that was just trauma induced psychological damage, but they’d changed. 

He thought back to the time before Cas had shown the change the brothers had affected in him. Dean had hated him, or he’d wanted to at least. Cas was trying to force him to do heavens bidding and robotic and inhuman as they came. But, almost immediately, Dean had known Cas was different from the other angels. Something told him Cas was better then them, more willing to listen and empathize if he just got him away from his brethren. He proven it time and again in that first year they’d known one another, sacrificing himself not once but several times to save Dean. He was willing to abandon heavens army for a high school drop out, somehow having faith that Dean would save the world and end the apocalypse. 

“I told you once to never change.” Dean reminisced. 

“I remember.” Cas said, “I don’t think you mind that I did. I certainly don’t.” 

“I don’t either.” Dean said, “but by then you’d already changed pretty significantly.” 

Cas shuddered in pain again and couldn’t answer. The sound he let out was like sandpaper on Dean’s soul. How the fuck could he stop this? 15 more hours of torture for his already tortured best friend. 

“It’s okay,” Dean soothed gently. “It’s going to be okay sweetheart, I promise. I’m going to figure out how to break this curse. I won’t let this hurt you anymore, my angel. You’re too important to me, do you understand that? Can you possibly understand how important you are to me? How much I need you with me?” 

Cas shuddered again, but this time in relief as the pain receded. Dean hated himself in that moment. He’d caused Cas this much pain, enough to wrack this being who’d been tortured beyond imagination with anguish. He felt his eyes burning at the thought of how much he’d done to hurt to the creature who’d only ever given to him. He sniffled uncomfortably, wallowing in his guilt. 

“Dean?” Cas questioned, “we can stop. You don’t have to keep doing this if it’s making you this upset.”

“No!” Dean almost shouted, clutching Cas to him like a lifeline. “No, please don’t leave me Cas. Stay with me, okay? Please stay with me. Forever, I hate it when you leave me, I want you with me all the time.” 

Cas eyes dilated at Dean’s words and his breath caught in his throat. Dean cupped his face in his hand and brought is own down, resting his forehead against Cas’ and looking him in the eye. 

“Please Cas,” Dean begged, finally saying what he’d wanted to say for years. “I don’t ever want you to leave me again, I can’t breathe when you leave. I can’t exist anymore without you. I love you.” 

Dean then leaned in slowly, so slowly he could feel his heart hammering the same frantic rythem as Cas’ against his chest, until their lips met.   
————————————-

Sam knocked the next morning before opening the door to check on Cas and Dean. He waited a few minutes and knocked a little louder.

“Dean!” He yelled, “Cas? You guys okay?”

“Yeah, Sam!” Dean called back, “come on in.” 

Sam opened the door and almost panicked when he saw Cas laying on one side of the bed, facing away from Dean, asleep. He almost thought Cas was dead for a minute but one look at Dean’s sappy love struck face told him different. Dean put a finger to his lips and shooed Sam back out the door, following quietly. 

“The curse took it out of him.” Dean explained, “he’s going to need a few more hours of sleep to recover.”

“But,” Sam sputtered. “But... he... it’s not over... he has like 9 more hours?” 

“Nah.” Dean said casually, “I broke it.” 

“You broke it?!” Sam exclaimed, “how? Rowena couldn’t even break it how’d you break it?” 

Dean smiled brightly, obviously proud of himself. 

“Cuz I’m awesome,” Dean laughed.


End file.
